It's been 9 months tomorrow. September 13th was my due date, I could have been having my first born tomorrow. But alas as you all know I am not. It seems like so many others have had their beautiful healthy babies this week. The selfish jealousy in me boils, another hard reminder of life's unfairness. I'm sad. I feel ironically like a child, thoughts of "it's not fair" and "how come they get one and I don't?" fill my head.

In my struggle I can only find peace when I turn away from myself and focus on others needs. For this reason I am working overtime this week to keep from becoming too sad. I miss my little growing bump and joy and optimism that I had and all that I lost. I want to be me again. I've moved on but reality is really hitting hard today.

I could have held them in my arms.

Just a reminder of the reason I need to stay focused in this life. I believe that we will get to see those who have passed on when we to take that journey. I know that some day I will get to see my sweet spirit who left this world before we had a chance to meet him or her, they were too pure and lovely for such a world. I am not planning on passing on anytime soon but what a beautiful reunion that will be.